Gary opened his bruised and swollen eyelids as far as possible and peered through the yellow flickering light from the tired Tilley-lamp. He’d been mistaken for many people before, faithful husband, dedicated son, conscientious employee, hard working schoolboy but this was the first time he’d been mistaken for... He paused, mistaken for what, a terrorist, spy, influential Westerner? Now, nine years later, Gary continues to divorce himself from history and recalls events in the third person.
A hand grabbed Gary’s hair and pulled, yanked and tugged as a mouth, half-full of yellowing teeth, spat words formed of putrefied breath into his face. “Her Britannic Majesty’s Secretary of State,” he replied, “requests and requires in the name of Her Majesty all those whom it may concern to allow to pass freely without let or hindrance...” A calm, dominant yet menacing voice, the accent bastardised Afghan-American, interrupts from the dark recesses of the cave. “Recite that one more time my friend and, by the will of Allah, I’ll let Tamil cut your tongue out,” he paused, “and we’ll all watch while you eat it.”
Silence. Gary believed he would die and in that moment knew, in death, he’d not be mistaken for a coward. He looked towards his friend Saied, slumped and tied to the chair not two feet from him. How could two Building Society employees from the South of England make such a mistake and end up in an Afghanistan cave, guests of the Taliban? Saied had been born in Pakistan and loved cricket. Wouldn’t it be fun to watch a test-match in the sub-continent? Perhaps a little exploring? Is it safe in the mountains at the moment?
Gary knew the answer to that. He’d never mistake “relatively safe” for “absolutely safe” again. If only he could have the opportunity to make another error of judgement...
“Mr Phillpott, it has been decided that you will serve Allah by telling your government how great we are. You will be released at noon.” Gary heard every word and slowly the meaning seeped into him. “Thank you”, he eventually said, “and my friend?”
“Your friend will serve Allah in a different way. He’s been chosen to demonstrate that true Muslims should not follow Western decadent ways.”
BANG! Blood, skull, brain and hair splattered onto Gary’s swollen face. Never again would Saied be mistaken for a living person.
