Keith mopped his balding head with a large, red, silk handkerchief and looked around the applauding audience. It occurred to him that he was probably wearing the only morning suit that wasn’t hired. He was pretty sure that his father, two brothers and son didn’t own theirs; why should they? He knew absolutely that his daughter’s father-in-law, husband and best-man were in hired clothes; after much filial pleading and tears he’d reluctantly paid for them.
His gaze lingered on the family and friends of the groom; not a suit, jacket or tie among them. The enthusiastic men and tartily-dressed women, cheered his speech in contrast to his family who were all applauding with a reserved politeness (mind you they’d all heard his speech many times before). He’d used it not just at his other daughter’s weddings but with a slight change and addition or subtraction of a joke or two it was recited at birthdays, anniversaries and even a couple of funerals.
The cheering continued and Keith decided to sit down. He reached for his order of service for no other reason than he felt he should try to look nonplussed; try to look as if he received this reaction whenever he opened his mouth. He was surprised to find he’d picked up a pen and had drawn, no doodled, a rocket; a child-like rocket with flames shooting from the bottom. He wondered why he’d selected to draw a rocket. Perhaps he’d taken his audience into orbit with his oration – but he knew he only ever doodled one of two things, and one was a rocket.
Keith was relieved to hear a distinct reduction in the applause. He took a gulp from his wine glass and was astonished how dry his mouth had become. At least he was not required to do anything else and could relax and try to enjoy the rest of the day.
His daughter’s husband was about to say something; the bridegroom’s speech. He didn’t think of him as his son-in-law, but it was early days and Keith had always prided himself on his tolerance.
The pen drew a large black telescope on the order of service; a large black telescope on a tripod. The groom started speaking. Keith wrote below the telescope; “I spy a chav.”
