When I cry for Sylvia-
I cry for myself.
I've nothing to offer -
life is void.
She had talent,
threw it away for what?
I'm empty
we should swap -
my death for her life.
Sunday 13 December 2009
Wednesday 2 December 2009
Cupboard
Splintered and cracked -
wood separated from plaster;
binned
frame and veneer
after years of parties, christenings,
funerals, committals, cremations and wakes.
Swung a crowbar,
wrenched from the wall;
consigned to the council tip -
not soon enough.
Cuppboard - Reflective Statement
Inspiration came in irregular spurts. Following a period of creative famine I wrote “CUPBOARD LOVE?” in my notebook. The question mark was added in a failed attempt to add depth. Cliché or not, it became my starting point.
Wordsworth described memory as “a spot in time”#. My poem merges two "spots"; the installation of a new kitchen and the end of a marriage. The discarded kitchen cupboard would become a metaphor for marital separation. With this in mind I handwrote the first draft before quickly redrafting. My voice wasn’t apparent until the third draft. By this stage the first stanza was a statement (I added lines to demonstrate the date was unimportant), the second stanza is spat out in anger and frustration, the third is reflective and the final stanza is an honest conclusion that the marriage should have ended years ago.
This draft was deconstructed by fellow students.# The result concerned me until Dr Bell# advised; “Your poem is not a true reflection. It’s how it works that counts”. I recalled some words by poet Tom Leonard#; “It may be the first line, the last line or the booster rocket you ditch as you go into orbit.” I wanted to make my poem "orbit".
Having significantly pared my poem I concluded that brevity can produce power; less could be more. An example of this is Langston Hughes’ poem “Request“ (The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes p415); sixteen words in six lines. By using shorter lines and fewer words, enjambment becomes important. Yusef Komanyakaa uses this technique in “Starlight Scope Myopia” (“The Making of a Poem. p283):
“The river under Vi Bridge
takes the heart away
like the Water God
riding his dragon.”
As does Tony Flynn in “The Bride” (Poetry with an Edge p256), Here he writes in very short, sharp lines that move the poem distinctly forward.
“...her body a ridge,
of gentle peaks,
her groom
a slow cloud descending.”
Thus armed I completely rewrote the poem based upon the fourth draft. The second stanza became the opening and it became shorter, punchier and sharper. The metaphor remains notwithstanding kitchen cupboards are no-longer mentioned. The poem is now simultaneously angry, reflective and matter of fact and works all the better for it.
Bibliography
ARMITAGE S. Editor. (1998), The Penguin Book of Poetry from Britain and Ireland Since 1945. LONDON, PENGUIN.
ASTLEY N. Editor. (1997- first published 1988). Poetry with an Edge. NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE. BLOODAXE BOOKS.
BROOKE-ROSE C. (1970 - first published 1958) A Grammar of Metaphor, LONDON, SECKER AND WARBURG.
KENNEDY X. and GIOIA D. (2007) Literature An Introduction to Fiction, Poetry, Drama and Writing, LONDON, PEARSON LONGMAN
RAMPERSAD A. Editor (1995) The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes. USA, VINTAGE BOOKS - FIRST VINTAGE CLASSIC EDITION.
STRAND M. and BOLAND E. (2001) The Making of a Poem - A Norton Anthology of Poetic Forms. LONDON, NORTON and CO.
WILLETT J. and MANHEIM R. Editors. (1976) Brecht Poems Part Two, 1929 - 1938. LONDON, METHUIN.
wood separated from plaster;
binned
frame and veneer
after years of parties, christenings,
funerals, committals, cremations and wakes.
Swung a crowbar,
wrenched from the wall;
consigned to the council tip -
not soon enough.
Cuppboard - Reflective Statement
Inspiration came in irregular spurts. Following a period of creative famine I wrote “CUPBOARD LOVE?” in my notebook. The question mark was added in a failed attempt to add depth. Cliché or not, it became my starting point.
Wordsworth described memory as “a spot in time”#. My poem merges two "spots"; the installation of a new kitchen and the end of a marriage. The discarded kitchen cupboard would become a metaphor for marital separation. With this in mind I handwrote the first draft before quickly redrafting. My voice wasn’t apparent until the third draft. By this stage the first stanza was a statement (I added lines to demonstrate the date was unimportant), the second stanza is spat out in anger and frustration, the third is reflective and the final stanza is an honest conclusion that the marriage should have ended years ago.
This draft was deconstructed by fellow students.# The result concerned me until Dr Bell# advised; “Your poem is not a true reflection. It’s how it works that counts”. I recalled some words by poet Tom Leonard#; “It may be the first line, the last line or the booster rocket you ditch as you go into orbit.” I wanted to make my poem "orbit".
Having significantly pared my poem I concluded that brevity can produce power; less could be more. An example of this is Langston Hughes’ poem “Request“ (The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes p415); sixteen words in six lines. By using shorter lines and fewer words, enjambment becomes important. Yusef Komanyakaa uses this technique in “Starlight Scope Myopia” (“The Making of a Poem. p283):
“The river under Vi Bridge
takes the heart away
like the Water God
riding his dragon.”
As does Tony Flynn in “The Bride” (Poetry with an Edge p256), Here he writes in very short, sharp lines that move the poem distinctly forward.
“...her body a ridge,
of gentle peaks,
her groom
a slow cloud descending.”
Thus armed I completely rewrote the poem based upon the fourth draft. The second stanza became the opening and it became shorter, punchier and sharper. The metaphor remains notwithstanding kitchen cupboards are no-longer mentioned. The poem is now simultaneously angry, reflective and matter of fact and works all the better for it.
Bibliography
ARMITAGE S. Editor. (1998), The Penguin Book of Poetry from Britain and Ireland Since 1945. LONDON, PENGUIN.
ASTLEY N. Editor. (1997- first published 1988). Poetry with an Edge. NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE. BLOODAXE BOOKS.
BROOKE-ROSE C. (1970 - first published 1958) A Grammar of Metaphor, LONDON, SECKER AND WARBURG.
KENNEDY X. and GIOIA D. (2007) Literature An Introduction to Fiction, Poetry, Drama and Writing, LONDON, PEARSON LONGMAN
RAMPERSAD A. Editor (1995) The Collected Poems of Langston Hughes. USA, VINTAGE BOOKS - FIRST VINTAGE CLASSIC EDITION.
STRAND M. and BOLAND E. (2001) The Making of a Poem - A Norton Anthology of Poetic Forms. LONDON, NORTON and CO.
WILLETT J. and MANHEIM R. Editors. (1976) Brecht Poems Part Two, 1929 - 1938. LONDON, METHUIN.
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